space / control

(tw: ed) I feel l.’s gaze falling onto my naked body in the short moment between removing the towel and getting dressed. Maybe he’s missed the sight. I hope so. After all, it’s been a while. Unfortunately, I misjudge what it’s about. “You’ve lost weight. You should eat more”, he says, keeping his tone neutral. I interrupt the search for my clothes to glance at him for a second, trying to read his facial expression. It doesn’t give anything away. I guess he might suspect something, based on his own experience. “Have I”, I say after a pause. In my attempt to appear nonchalant, I focus a bit too hard on slipping into my underwear. Of course I’ve been conscious of my changed eating behaviour. I was talking about my loss of appetite with my sister just the day before. But it’s only been a week since I’ve last seen him. Only a few days since I’ve been eating worse. Kinda impossible to see a change in this amount of time. I haven’t been eating that little, after all. I have to continue just a bit longer. His comment sticks. Hours later, while he’s asleep, I’m thinking about his remark, […]